My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! -Percy Bysshe Shelley
I Googled myself
"Nolan Guiffre" had 8 search results
I decided there’s no way that was right
So I Asked Jeeves instead
But his response was only 5 websites
I figured the two Google brothers had been working harder than only one Jeeves
So I Yahooed myself scoring an 8
And finally I Dogpiled a perfect 10
I was satisfied Jeeves had been proven wrong
But it still became apparent I needed to make a name for myself
So I wrote a poem:
Dad
It’s 6 a.m.
Cold enough to die, but too cold to stay.
I convince you snow shoeing would be fun.
We climb Grass Hill as far as we know--
Like geese, we take turns in front:
Your turn slightly longer.
I sent it out to be published
After a month it was accepted to Synapse Graffiti
A local high school literary magazine
I had never heard of it before
But I returned to Google
This time "Nolan Guiffre" had 9 results
Then I Googled some of my friends
I had more results than any of them
And Jeeves agreed
But my friends were all young
I needed something bigger to compare myself to
So I Googled local restaurants and adults I knew
I was still in the lead after 15 searches
I looked at my issue of Synapse Graffiti and typed it in
I knew it was a risk
But it paid off when it Googled only a 6
Jumping at the opportunity I jotted a quick e-mail letting Synapse Graffiti know
I was too good for them
Because I was the most famous person I knew
The next day "Nolan Guiffre" Googled an 8
